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As a first time momma, like most, I was scouring the web for any information I could to help prepare me for our daughter's birth. All those blogs on Pinterest pulling you in with the guarantee they held everything you need to know to get through labor? Yep, I read them.
I would definitely say I am a planner, but yet, I'm also a believer in going with the flow and trying to take things as they happen. That's why I read as many different viewpoints as I could while I was pregnant. From natural birth, to the stereotypical hospital birth, I read about it all. I felt I needed to learn as much as I could to truly feel empowered and as prepared as I could. I also read What to Expect When You're Expecting and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I was a sponge.
I knew I probably wouldn't be able to go all natural, but I did know I didn't want to spend the entirety of labor bedridden because of having an epidural. I wanted low medical interference, but didn't necessarily want an all natural birth either. Luckily for me, there is a hospital nearby that prides themselves on being low intervention, and was somewhat resembling of a birthing center, instead of the stereotypical hospital experience. In fact, on our hospital tour, they even joked that patients say they're the Chik-fil-a of hospitals. Uh...SOLD.
I never got around to making an official birth plan, though I never really wanted a formal birth plan either. I had told my doctor during several of my prenatal appointments that there were really only a few things I hoped for during my labor experience: as little medical intervention as possible, to labor as long as I could before opting for an epidural, delayed cord clamping, and of course a health baby. I ended up getting two of the four when the time came, and guess what? That's okay!
I had my 36 week appointment on Wednesday, and was almost 1/2 cm dilated. My doctor said it would be a while before things would really progress, but something was at least starting to happen. Little did we know, I would have my baby late Friday night.
The next day, I had just finished doing some mild stretches because my hips and back had been feeling so tight and achy. I was in our bedroom floor doing butterflies and moving my hips around in circles. I felt a little looser, and began getting ready for bed. And that's when it happened. At 36 weeks pregnant, my water broke (and I was confused LOL). I was so caught off guard, and although I had spent so much time preparing, I all of a sudden felt SO unprepared. I hadn’t noticed the mucus plug come out? What about all those signs labor is about to happen that I had read about? Thankfully, our hospital bags had been packed, the car seat was installed, and our home had been baby-fied just in the knick of time!
Long story short, this was NOT how I thought it would happen based on all those blogs I had read in preparation.
I was brushing my teeth, when I leaned over to rinse, and paused because I wasn't sure if I was about to vomit, or had a sudden upset stomach. As I was walking out of our bathroom, I felt warm liquid dribble down my leg and a small puddle formed on the floor below me. I questioningly yelled "Babe...?", and my husband came in our room to find me standing in the puddle. "I think my water might've just broke" is all I remember saying. I was so not expecting it, that I think I was in denial honestly. I never expected my water to just break without having some sort of contractions or more apparent signs leading up to it. I honestly thought maybe I just peed a little and had lost control of my bladder. Ha!
Luckily, my husband stayed calm. Because I didn't think it was my water, he called his sister, in hopes she might know, because duh, she was a mom of course she'd know, LOL. The doctor was our second call. I called as I sat on the toilet, because I continued "leaking". After some questions, they told me to go ahead and come in to L&D. This was after I had just finished telling my husband not to call out of work yet because we probably wouldn't need to go to the hospital anytime soon. I would at least need to start laboring at home for a bit. I told you I was in denial and unprepared!
Once we got the order, I jumped in the shower to wash my hair and shave, you know...priorities. I took my time because I still didn't feel any signs that I was going into labor. Luckily, because we were so calm, we were able to make sure we had everything and prepare for being away from the house for the next few days.
I soaked through my sweatpants and the beach towel we put in the car seat on the way to the hospital. I knew now that my water had definitely broken, because my bladder couldn't hold this much liquid. Hey, childbirth is kinda gross.
I told my husband to just leave our hopital bags in the car, because they'd probably send us home. Yep, still in denial. I waddled into the hospital with my face mask on (we have a story to tell our pandemic baby one day thanks to COVID-19), feeling so gross from the wetness. They took me straight to a room and had me put a hospital gown on, no triage or anything. This was when I finally told my husband maybe he should bring our bags in and tell his work he wouldn't be coming in the next day. I think I was finally starting to realize that THIS WAS IT.
I was admitted around 11PM. Once I got settled and hooked up to all of the machines, I found out I was indeed having contractions, which were about 5 minutes apart, but I still wasn't feeling anything. This is where one of my four wishes for my birth plan went out the window, and exactly why a birth plan doesn't always need to be detailed and so official. Be prepared to go with the flow.
I had envisioned being able to walk around my room freely, but I was immediately hooked up to an IV and wires galore. Maybe I just wasn't well-informed beforehand, but I thought I'd have the wireless doppler the hospital offered, and wouldn't need an IV right away at least. They started pumping me with fluids immediately and the wireless doppler was faulty so they couldn't use it. Ugh.
They still hadn't checked to see how much I was dilated since my water had broken, making a higher risk of infection. They mentioned pitocin, but I wanted my body to do what it was meant to do and see how things progressed naturally overnight. I tried to get some sleep, but don't think I ever even dozed off. My husband on the other hand, was snoring happily until early morning.
After seeing if my body would do this on its own overnight, it was clear that wasn't going to happen and I might need to opt for medical help. I didn't want to waste too much time, fearing it would make a c-section more likely if I was in labor too long after my water had broken. A little after noon, we started pitocin, since my contractions were getting further apart and becoming inconsistent. Not what I hoped to do, but time was ticking now.
I think they finally checked to see how much I was dilated shortly after we started the pitocin, and I was around 4 cm the first time. They continued to increase my pitocin dosage and monitor my contractions over the next several hours. The labor and delivery room didn't have any windows (which was the one thing I hated about the room situation when we went on our tour), so I had no sense of time during the 27 hours I was in labor. I think it was around 8 PM when the contractions had gotten SO intense and I was dilated 8 cm, that I could no longer talk through the contractions. I was trying ALL of the positions I could on the birthing ball, in the bed, and using the peanut ball. Luckily my hospital had all of this in the room for me, but if they hadn't provided one already, I had planned to purchase this peanut ball from Amazon!
I remember I was SO exhausted at this point, that between contractions I would be on the verge of passing out, but because they were only about 2 minutes apart, I had no time to rest. I was ready to get in the shower to labor for a little bit, when I decided I was proud I had made it this far and was ready for the epidural. Part of what helped me to wait this long was honestly the fear of actually getting the epidural. I always get in my head and psyche myself up when it comes to needles. And I had already had my fair share of needles and don't even remember all of the things I had done to me throughout my labor. Low medical intervention, goodbye.
Honestly, probably the biggest thing I took away from labor for my next go around: if you want an epidural, just get it. I had wanted to labor as long as I could before getting one so I could be up and mobile. However, because it was such a big ordeal to even go to the bathroom with all my wires, I ended up spending the entire time in bed, or next to it. I had also worried the epidural would slow my progress, and maybe it would've. But knowing what I know now, I would've just gotten the epidural sooner if I had a do-over. No shame momma! You do you.
Getting the actual epidural was a BREEZE for me. I wish I had gotten the anesthesiologist's name because I want him every time I have a baby! It didn't hurt at all, and I was worried I would have the dreaded back pain forever after from stories I had heard from others. So far I've had none and I am 7 weeks postpartum. From then on out, I was SO relaxed and finally got some much needed sleep soon after. Post-epidural photo op below. I can still remember the exhaustion I felt in this photo.
I slept on and off until 1 AM. They checked my cervix for the last time, and I was finally 10 cm and it was time to push! We started pushing around 1:30, and it was nothing like how I thought it'd be. I was calm and between pushes, me and the nurses would talk about random things and I would watch TV. There was no screaming or weird noises like in the movies, because the epidural was perfect. I couldn't feel a thing. In fact, most of the time the nurses had to tell me when I was having a contraction and to push. I even told them to let me know if I wasn't moving her when I was pushing because I kind of couldn't tell if I was pushing right.
My husband held my left leg, and a nurse had my right, and the second nurse was down there in all my glory. For most of my pushing, we did "tug of war". We basically played tug of war with a receiving blanket to push. I remember they asked me at one point if I wanted to reach down and feel her head, that was a big NO for me. I couldn't feel a thing and I wanted to try not to imagine the view the nurses and my husband had. I want to pretend it was beautiful, but let's be honest...sorry babe!
I was lucky I didn't feel exhaustion set in as I pushed, and after an hour and fifteen minutes, we welcomed our sweet baby girl into the world at 2:46 AM. Her cord had become wrapped around her neck, so the delayed cord clamping I had hoped for, also went out the window. At this point, my birth plan was seriously the least of my worries. I was just glad she was okay.
I'll never forget the moment they placed her on my chest and the way she felt and smelled. Tiny, warm, and salty smelling. I can still remember this moment and it makes my heart swell.
They took her from me to check her vitals, and I watched her across the room for the next 15 minutes as the doctor took care of all that comes after birth for me, down there. I didn't feel a thing and tried to ignore what was going on. My husband said the placenta was pretty gnarly though LOL.
After a second degree tear and one stitch, the thing most first time mommas fear was over, and I had done it! I had brought our baby girl into this world and she was perfect! I may not have gone natural or had the birth experience I imagined, but I did it and I felt so empowered. My husband and I made this perfect human being, and my body brought her to us. I don't want to say it was easy, but all of my birthing fears didn't matter and I would do it over and over again.
In one word: AMAZING.
xo, Jenn